If the pants fit...

I ran into a long-time friend recently, and stopped for a chat. This man is in his early 60s, fit and trim. But when he walked away from me, I noticed something: his jeans looked enormous on him. Now, I’m not one who looks at men’s rear ends for my jollies, even when they are poured into spandex uniforms and are waiting for a signal from the quarterback, or when they are hanging on the rail of the dugout with rally caps on, or, well, never mind. My point is that I’ve noticed that many men wear jeans that don’t fit. This is a subject I have broached with my own husband who used to think that any pair of jeans that could be cinched up in the waist with a belt or another button was good enough.
The truth is that I didn’t really notice that my husband was wearing pants that didn’t fit until I followed him up an escalator in a department store. I seized the opportunity, and told him that I would buy him any pair of jeans, full price, for his birthday.
“Don’t be ridiculous!” he chided me. My pants fit just fine. And I only paid two bucks for them at Value Village! It was then I realized that he didn’t look in a mirror IF he tried on a pair of pants. He just checked the length, the general waist size, and it’s all good.
I took my husband to a three way mirror, and told him to look at the seat of his pants. His eyes widened. “Whoa!” he said as he grabbed two fistfuls of fabric. He had to admit I was right, and we proceeded to shop. He found a couple of pairs of jeans that looked great, and I happily paid for his gift.
Lenny’s cousin Alan was here last week for the Italian Festival with his wife and two grown daughters. Alan always looks nice, probably because he lives with so many women who don’t let him out of the house looking dumpy. At one point in the weekend I heard a little exchange between Lenny and Alan.
Lenny: “Hey, those are really nice jeans. What brand are they?”
Alan: “I dunno. I just know they fit, and I like them because they’re kind of sheeny.””
They guys knew they were busted when I came into the room and said, “sheeny?” They laughed, but they rightly guessed they would get extra credit with the wives for caring about how they looked. We were so proud.
Guys! If you find this taped to your mirror or on your pillow, take the hint. It doesn’t matter if you buy jeans at Value Village or Neiman Marcus. What matters is that you try them on, and look in a mirror. Please?